You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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