fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
