I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
