i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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