last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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