Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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