after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize