Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
