It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
