i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize