Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
