After last night, I could never be a politician.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Found the puke drawer
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
