I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
