Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
im six kinds of drunk right now
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
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Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
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they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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