we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
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Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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