i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
