I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
