3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
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I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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