bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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