When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
