Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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