Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
