I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
