We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
