Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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