for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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