jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
