I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
