Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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