I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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