I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
