well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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