i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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