God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
