Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
