I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
