I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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