Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
