everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
