After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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