Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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