were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
