What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
