nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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