i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
