I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You made out with two different species that night
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Randomize
