fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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