If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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