I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
