Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
