Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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