even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
