Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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