Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
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In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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