I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
