Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
