And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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