Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize