Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
