Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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