White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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